LCMS President Issues Statement in Reaction to Proposed "Hate Crimes" Legislation

LCMS President Issues Statement in Reaction to Proposed "Hate Crimes" Legislation: "Late in April, the U.S. House of Representatives passed by a vote of 249 to 175 H.R. 1913, the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009, which expands the definition of 'hate crimes' to include those against individuals based on sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, or disability. A companion bill has been introduced into the Senate-S. 909, the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act. Although no hearing on the Senate's bill has been scheduled so far, if passed, this legislation is expected to be signed into law by President Obama, who has expressed support for the legislation in the past. "What does this mean for the pastors and members of our churches who speak out against homosexuality based on the Word of God? "The answer is unclear. One of H.R. 1913's sponsors, Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., says that the proposed law will target only those who participate in violent acts against homosexuals and 'does not infringe on free speech in any way.' However, critics of the bill, including Rep. Louis Gohmert, R-Texas, contend that religious ministers and teachers face possible prosecution if someone who commits a crime claims to have heard his or her religious leader speaking against homosexuality. There has been no legal analysis of the legislation to date, and its definitions of sexual orientation, gender, and gender identity have yet to be determined by the courts. However, I urge you to be informed and involved citizens, and to contact your representatives in Washington now with your questions and concerns. "My staff and I also will monitor the bill's outcome closely to keep you informed. And we will continue to proclaim the Word of God as it speaks to us from the Holy Scriptures on all topics. Society's values and its laws may change, but thanks be to God, His Word never will." (Read the entire press release online . . .)

PTL NEWS

Gift card sales were over $40,000.00 this year giving our school a near 2,000.00 profit. This is more than double the sales and profits from the previous year! Way to go First Lutheran families!
 
We will continue sales throughout the summer months. You can purchase your cards on-line or get them from the school office from Patti. Thank you to Marge Murray who sold $1,000.00 in cards last week-end at the Saturday and Sunday services. Marge and I will be selling SCRIP cards throughout the summer months. And again... Thank you for your support!
 
Nancy Seltzer 559-0606

2009 Florida/Georgia District Convention

As many of you know, our Florida/Georgia District held its regularly scheduled triennial convention this past weekend. Preseident Gerhard Michael was succeeded in office by Rev. Greg Walton of Georgia. As soon as the district puts out its report, we wil give you a lot more thorough coverage of the news from that end.

In the meanwhile, please remember Pres. Walton in your prayers to the end that the Lord blesses both he and his new ministry among us.

"New Airline"

New No-Frills Airline

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW OPERATING IN NORT DAKOTA!

ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORDERN MITCHIGEN, MOTANTA AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline.

You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, here flyin is a upliftin experience.

Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15, bring a salad;

16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air. Okay den, listen up; I'm only gonna say dis vonce: In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes--you're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair liddle holes.

Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin against us, which some people say 'trespass against us,' but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffeepot up front.

Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace: Come, Lord, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, May we land in Minot or pretty close.

Manufacturer's Recall Notice

Regardless of Make or Year or Tithe Amount, all units known as "human beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer.

 

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named "Adam" and "Eve," resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units This defect is technically termed "Serious Internal Non-morality," but more commonly known as "SIN."

 

Symptoms of the SIN defect include, but are not limited to:

1. Loss of direction
2. Lack of peace and joy
3. Depression
4. Foul vocal emissions
5. Selfishness
6. Ingratitude
7. Fearfulness
8. Rebellion
9. Jealousy 

The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service FREE of charge to correct the SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat...There is no fee required.

 

The number to call for repair in all areas is P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Christ, into the SOUL component of the human unit.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Christ will replace it  with:

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Kindness
5. Goodness
6. Faithfulness
7. Gentleness
8. Patience
9. Self-Control
10. Everything He Has Is Yours 

Please see the Operating Manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details in the use of these fixes.

As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, THE HOLY SPIRIT. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and accept his Word and He will take up residence on the premises.

 

WARNING:

Continuing to operate a human being unit without these corrections voids the Manufacturer's Warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and may ultimately result in the Destruction of the human unit.

 

Thank you for your immediate attention. Please assist by notifying others of this most important recall notice.

PTL NEWS

Gift card sales were over $40,000.00 this year giving our school a near $2,000.00 profit. This is more than double the sales and profits from the previous year. Way to go First Lutheran!

We'll continue sales throughout the summer months. You can purchase your cards on-line or get them from the school office from Patti. Thank you to Marge Murray who sold $1,000.00 in cards last week-end at the Saturday and Sunday services. Marge will be selling again this week-end and her and I for several others through out the summer months. Nancy Seltzer 559-0606

Troop and Pack #484 at Baypines

As you are well aware, our First Lutheran Boy Scout Troop and Pack #484 (and their families) placed flags at Baypines National Cemetery. As many of you know Baypines is the final resting place for over 150,000 men and women in uniform who served to protect and spread our nation's freedoms. Thank you to all who placed flags. We're proud of you.

Feedback on Gift Card Sales

GOOD NEWS!


Many have inquired about how the gift card sales are doing for our school. We are just a few dollars shy of doubling our profits from last year ( about $1,900.00). A big Thanks to all who bought gift cards throughout the year and supported this effort. But we are not done. We will continue to sell cards throughout the summer through the school office or you can still order on-line. PTL is looking for volunteers to help with sales through the summer at church services. Please contact Nancy Seltzer if you can help with this.

"In God We Trust" Poll

It seems fitting that since we've just celebrated our men and women in uiform two Sundays in a row that NBC should have a poll asking if we think "in God we trust should be removed from the our currency. This is what I got just yesterday...

WOW, Will NBC be surprised!!??*

Here's your chance to let the media know where the people stand on our faith in God, as a nation.

NBC is presently taking a poll on "In God We Trust" to stay on our American currency.

Please do it right away, before NBC takes this off their web page. Poll is still open so you can vote:


CLICK ON BELOW & VOTE

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10103521/

The Proclaimer Went Out!

Here's a quick update for those of you who would like to know how the "Faith Comes By Hearing" program went. With a matching donation from one of our members we were able to send $960 to Faith Comes By Hearing for a "Proclaimer." In case you forgot, a Proclaimer is powered both by a hand crank and also by a solar energy. (No batteries... No plugs for outlets...) Each Proclaimer contains the entire New Testament.

We just received a very nice thankyou note from the people at Faith Comes By Hearing thanking us for our gift and letting us know that the Proclaimer we purchased has been sent to Yemen (in the Arabic language).

Many thanks to all who helped make this gift of eternal possible to people who would otherwise have perished. (You know who you are; so does Jesus.) God bless you.

Pastor

Our Changing World

Here are a couple of YouTube videos that should give you pause for thought. If nothing has driven you to you knees in prayer, these two videos will. The first deals with the incredible rate of change taking place worldwide. The second... Well, let my just quote our Synodical President, Dr. Jerry Kieschnick, "This is not your grandparents church."